July 29th, 2022

Essay

         I write this from my bed in Ama on my last day in Copenhagen. I am wearing white nike crew socks, beige jjjjound shorts, a white tee, and–formerly my mothers–ebbets field flannels cap. Though it feels like an interlude from my real life, given the speed in which this time has gone by, once again I am finishing a period of my life that has somehow “topped” the last period of my life. Since junior year of high school, mid 2018, life has continuously developed in unexpected and undeniable beautiful ways. Through turmoil and drastic changes in the world and my life– Covid-19, finishing high school, beginning college, relationships altering, ending, and changing–I reflect on the past four years with pure gratitude.

         Amongst my dearest friends, we refer to these periods as seasons, reflecting our continuous necessity to intertwine our lives with those of our favorite tv shows of our childhoods. And in part this is due to the – I am not sure where I was going with this. Let me return to Copenhagen…

         I leave Copenhagen with a better understanding of self. This past year I have struggled greatly with maintaining my belief in myself and the field of design as I have felt un-enamored with and out of place in a world of design that is seemingly more and more unnecessary given the negative externalities that result from it. But my largest conclusion is to . damn. I can never finish or stay in a straight line doing a writing purely for myself. I always hit this point, a paragraph or two, and lose it. Well. I am leaving Copenhagen tomorrow at 11:55. I will go to Paris to see my family. As this return to where I was born has approached I have become more aware of my lack of understanding for France and Paris, and the deterioration of my francophone proficiency. I love Paris dearly and speaking French is one of the strongest through-lines throughout my life, I hope I can realize the poser I am at times and forge a deeper relationship with my place of birth and dedicate more time to the language of French. I will return home after that. I hope simplify my daily afairs while home, focus on slowing down and establishing my affairs for the term to come. I will then go to Los Angeles to see Cas, hammer out VFD plans, hopefully film part of a campaign. See my grandfather, who I haven’t for many months. Return home. And Then be back in Eugene on September 10th.

         I must remind my self that I am good. It is easy to be lost in a lot of bad,  but seek to be good and do good, and you are of value. I began a note a month or two ago, about what to do for Fall, Here is some of it.

◦       Make Mega desk [ for sewing, ironing]

◦       Make ishi saw horses

◦       Make an expenses sheet

◦       Interview Cas and Angel

◦       Convert to Metric tools

◦       Watch the Bear

◦       Make glue up sticks

Included in this should be to make a herd. This is referencing my stool which I semi mistakenly named the “mutton stool.” I want to make more of them, like a herd of sheep.

Something that should be mentioned is my perspective of age is a big shift for me here. I am 20 currently. Its July 29th, and I turned 20 on May 30th. 20 is young. That’s the realization I’ve had. Yes, many people that I like and admire were close to fame and success at this age, but a lot of people weren’t. I don’t need success yet, yes I want it. Who doesn’t, I wont lie about that. That is too obvious to lie about. But when I woke up on May 30th I was messed up. I truly looked in the mirror and did not feel the same. But I feel better. Now. 20 is young. I am 20. I am young.

 Damn I am going to be late to meet Julian and Nick at the student hub. got to go

-       Léo 2022

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